Tasse de thé et Crepe Chocolat Et Banane

Location: Cafe Rouge, Canterbury
Date: 7 February 2010
Details: Tasse de thé et Crepe Chocolat Et Banane







Notes: Breakfast time. Duska had a proper petit dejeuner francais, but it was pretty much elevenses/brunch for me so I had this crepe with a lake of chocolate and a hint of banana. Not bad.

Beetroot and chocolate brownie and cup of green tea

Location: The Veg Box Cafe, Canterbury
Date: 6 February 2010
Details: Beetroot and chocolate brownie and cup of green tea

Notes: Yes this really is chocolate brownie made with beetroot. Cunningly disguised among the chocolate but it's definitely got bits of purple stuff in it. Very tasty, although perhaps a little worthy for brownie connoisseurs. This place is how The Warehouse Cafe in Birmingham should be - lots of choice, plenty of non-veggies to enjoy and a well-stocked wholefoods shop downstairs.

Green Tea with Millionaire's Shortbread

Location: Beach Walk Café, Arnside, Cumbria
Date: 6 August 2009

Notes: Slightly off the tourist track (but still not hard to find) this small cafe-in-a-shack at the foot of a path up to the Youth Hostel does have a good view of the estuary, despite the dodgy photo here. We thought just having a cuppa was a little stingy so we ordered a piece of this locally-made millionaire shortbread with our tea. But it was rather huge so we had to wrap it up and smuggle it out. If you ever find yourself in Arnside, this place is a much better place for lunch than the eateries on the prom.

Booths Blend English Tea and a Raisin Whirl

Location: Booths supermarket, Ulverston, Cumbria
Date: 5 August 2009
Details: Booths special blend English tea with skimmed milk; raisin whirl pastry

Notes: Booths supermarkets are reassuringly traditional - I wish we had them in the Midlands but sadly their branches don't go further south than Preston. Not been to a Booths? It's like a friendly version of Waitrose, specialising in local produce and good quality brands. Nice. Best bit is their scoop-it-yourself frozen fruit station. Brilliant.

My mother and I shared this bog-standard British tea in bog-standard ceramic cups, having purchased these plastic-looking raisin whirls in the shop. A mediocre afternoon tea resuced by the tip-top company.

Hot Chocolate and Eccles Cake

Location: Arnside Pier, Cumbria
Date: August 2009
Details: Skimmed milk hot chocolate with Eccles cake, both from The Bakehouse, Arnside Promenade

Notes: The photo shows my mother's hands displaying the Eccles cake and take-out cuppa in front of the Arnside viaduct. (Please imagine a steam train chugging over the viaduct.)

This was a delicious traditional Eccles cake - huge (much bigger than my palm), stuffed full with currants and flaky pastry with sugary bits on top. Not so much a snack as an entire meal.

The hot chocolate was also a treat. Or did it all taste so good because it was eaten outside..?

Hot chocolate and an absence of chocolate cake

Location: Cafe Leoni, Wood Street, Stratford-upon-Avon

Website: http://www.loveyourdarkside.com/
Date: 24 July 2009

Details: Skinny hot chocolate with a (free) Belgian chocolate

Notes: A new cafe to try! The frontage proclaims their subtitle: 'Love your dark side'. Sounds promising: conjures up images of dark chocolate, exoticism and kinkiness. Instead, we got run-of-the-mill old-fashioned Belgian chocolates, chaotic service and wipe-clean squashy furniture. What a let-down.

We arrived on a weekday lunchtime. You'd be forgiven for thinking you were in Caffé Nero - the fridge cabinets near the door and the stock in them look almost identical to Nero. We scanned the cabinets for chocolate cake. Nothing. A fruity slice thing, some calorific dry-looking muffins, the odd cookie. This is a chocolate cafe, where are the chocolate confections? Cake, cheesecake, pastries, we're not fussy, anything chocolate-y will do. Surely that's not too high an expectation? Still, we were promised a "free chocolate with every drink" so at least we'd get a fix.

Crest-fallen at the lack of cake, we ordered our drinks, impressed by the nifty Argos-style ordering system which appears a screen high on the wall. Very clever. But too high for the counter operators to read it - they had to crane their heads back like that cartoon bloke in the Reach toothpaste adverts ('flip-top-head'). It's a Health and Safety disaster waiting to happen. Unlike Argos, sadly the computer system doesn't tell you, "Skinny mocha, to your collection point please".

The novelty of the screen distracts the customer from the lack of space by the counter. My companion and I are slight and fitted in OK but anyone of a more comfortable build, carrying bags or trailing children might suffer a bout of claustrophobic just ordering in Leoni. I had to be careful not to knock stuff of the shelves behind me with my bag so excited flailing must be kept to a minimum.

Despite being the only people in the queue, one of our two drinks was forgotten. Our drinks were slung onto a tray. Where was the 'free' chocolate, as advertised? "Oh, we've run out." So what's that in your fully-stocked chocolate cabinet to my left? "Oh. Yeah..." Eventually, we were given a chocolate roll thing in a petit-four case. And what sort of chocolate is this, we enquired politely. "Oh, err, I don't know". The operator consulted two further members of staff and no-one knew. Perhaps look at the box from which you have removed it, perchance the name is upon it? Hopefully the staff will eventually get over the brain-taxing complexity of coping with customers and serving cuppas and manage to regain their intelligence.

The bizarre squidgy wipe-clean furniture was unpleasant to sit in (the upstairs benches are too low for the tables - I tried a bench and was 2ft below my petite companion; I gave up and we sat side by side instead). Children were bouncing and climbing like they were in a soft-play area. How lovely for them! How vexing for the rest of us! 'Love your dark side' suggests something adult about the cafe so doesn't seem appropriate to have toddlers everywhere.

We saw several people going back to the counter to complain that their cups were not full enough of actual drink, just full of froth. Hidden under our froth, we were astonished to discover that our drinks were actually rather good. Despite the skinny milk, our chocolate and mocha were rich and creamy with the right amount of sweetness. I would normally be suspicious that they'd snuck in semi milk instead but I saw it go straight from the red-topped bottle into the steamer container.

I tentatively poked at the free chocolate with a wooden stirrer stick and sliced it in half. We peered at it, still unsure what it might contain. A tiny mouthful confirmed it was incredibly rich, very heavy on the dark cocoa and the kind of chocolate that is best eaten in tiny nibbles to avoid claggy-mouthed death-by-chocolate. Cake goes far better with a hot drink. Cuppasandcakes not cuppasandchocolate. Maybe Cafe Leoni could offer a 'free chocolate fondant fancy' instead?

Finally, a question: With society's current trend towards sourcing local, why would you open a business selling Belgian choclate?! Warwickshire has many wonderful artisan chocolatiers and Cadbury is on our doorstep. So much for 'eat local'.
Good luck Cafe Leoni but something tells me you won't last long if you don't revise your business plan.

Update: December 2009 - this Cafe Leoni has closed down. (I am pulling a suitably smug told-ya-so face.)

Banoffee pie and green tea

Location: The Vintner, Sheep Street, Stratford-upon-Avon
Website: www.the-vintner.co.uk/
Date: 15 July 2009
Details: Green tea with a slice of banoffee pie and a scoop of vanilla ice-cream

Notes: I didn't think I could afford to eat indulgently at The Vintner - a well-known Stratford restaurant which usually caters for well-off couples on dates and upper-class middle-aged types. However, for the price of one meaty main course, one can enjoy a starter (or light veggie dish) and a pud - much better value than a lump of dead animal! Good to see a traditional place like The Vintner offering green tea too.

This gloriously-presented item in the image above is their banoffee pie. Please note the attention to detail: chocolate sauce drizzle, chocolate shavings with just a couple straying onto the rim. Very neat. And what a huge slice, certainly enough for two if you're on a date. Luckily I'm not so I managed the whole lot without any help (and then galantly stepped in to assist Vaneeta finish her pud too). The pie lived up to its presentation - just the right ratio of pastry:toffee:creamy topping. It should however include more banana - I counted two small circular slices. Two?! There's no need to be stingy on the banana. It did take me over half an hour to eat but every mouthful was enjoyed - and worth the painful £5 charge.

Disappointingly, the pie just comes on its own - no option to have cream or ice-cream so I ordered one scoop, which bizarrely came separately in a ramekin. The ice-cream comes from Bennett's Farm, the huge farm-shop on the road from Birmingham to Stratford so one can believe it came from happy Brummie cows - marvellous. And maybe the steaks on the neighbours' tables came from the happy dairy cows' friends? Hmm. On that note, may I recommend you try the chickpea and spinach gratin..?